Smejanje

[Misko78]

P: Kako se zove devojka od Vini Pua?
O: Šimi Pu!

 

[animaN]

P: Kako se zove devojka od Vini Pua?
O: Šimi Pu!

hahahahahhahahaha Koja glupost

 

[mINUS]

kakvo poklapanje

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

PISMA TINEJDZERA UPUCENA casopisima tipa OK, Bravo...

1. Sa deckom sam stupila u intimne odnose prije godinu dana i stalno
koristim pilulu. Prije mjesec dana, na fakultetu sam upoznala momka s
kojim sam takodjer stupila u intimne odnose. Moje je pitanje da li
moram uzimati jos jednu pilulu, jednu za decka, a drugu za kolegu sa
faksa?("Oprezna")

2. "Pomozite molim vas, stalno mi na kiti ispod glavica nesto bijelo!
U potpisu : "Sokol " Odgovor: SOKOLE, OPERI GA!!! (Ovo je doslovan
odgovor!)

3. Gledala sam pornic, treba li ga premotat kad ga budem vracala u videoteku?

4.Imam 15 godina i namjeravam stupiti u intimni odnos sa svojim
momkom, ali me uzasno strah da ne ostanem trudna. Mislim, da ostanem
trudna to bi bila tragedija jer je momak jako siromasan, a mama mi
daje dnevno samo 10 kuna za kavu i kad bi skupljala za abortus trebalo
bi mi 5 godina, a trudnoca traje samo 9 mjeseci. sto da radim?

5. Imam 16 god, spavala sam nedavno s deckom i cula sam da do 18 god
himen ti ponovno naraste . Koliko mu vremena treba?

6. Spavam s 2 decka, da li ovaj prvi dok spavam s njim moze skuziti da
sam ga prevarila?

7. Prijateljica mi je rekla da ako se istusiram nakon sexa necu ostati
trudna jel to istina ?

8.Cula sam neke cure iz 8 razreda spominju rijec peting, pa me zanima
sta je to i da li se moze izlijeciti? Hvala.

9. Imam devojku, ali povremeno jednom prijatelju pusim *****. Da li
sam homoseksualac? (Odgovor: Ne, ti si biseksualac)

10. Spavala sam s deckovim bratom, da li se to smatra varanjem? (Ma
nije, ostaje u familiji)

11. Uvijek kad se tusiram okrenem tus prema sebi i to mi jako pase, da
li sam normalna??? Odgovor: A kak bi se drugacije mogla tusirati?

12. Primijetila sam da na reklamama za uloske uvijek bude neka plava
tekucina, a meni curi crveno.. Jesam li normalna?

 

[mINUS]

Facebook statusi

1. ZASTO DINO RADJA, KAD JE GORAN KARAN??? :-))))).

2.. Dobio americku vizu i proliv…. viza je na tri godine. za proliv
ne znam....

3. Meni je uvek moja mama govorila kad sam bio mali ,da njen sin
nista ne valja.Ja sad sa ponosom mogu da kazem da njen sin sve
valja.

4. Zamisli ozenis se ribom sa facebooka i dodje ti njenih 1600
prijatelja na svadbu...

5. Da imam 1 250 000 prijatelja na fb napravio bih akciju svi po
evro za mene (sedmica na lotou) …. ovako vas imam samo 100 pa ne
znam da nije glupo da tražim po 12500 EUR ? .

6. Jel neko vidi da sam ja SINGLE , il da PODEBLJAM!!!

7. Koliko sam jaja jutros pojeo,sramota me je kokosku u oci pogledati

8. Upozorenje na EU puzzle: "Nepodobno za decu ispod 3 godine, jer
mogu progutati Sloveniju"

9. Jednima sam dosla glave, drugima idem na jetru. U proseku, svima
sam prirasla za srce...

10. Happy Ballantine's Day!!! ))

11. You Tube myspace, and I'll google your yahoo

12. Drzim dve dijete istovremeno… od jedne ne mogu da se najedem…

13. Tuga je kad ti zazvoni mobilni i javi ti se nepoznat zenski glas
i kaze : Gde si kuronjo? a ti moras da kazes "Pogresili ste"

14. Prodajem Ladu trula visnja, vise truo nego visnja!

15. Sudbina je ono što Sinana na put šalje

16. N.N.: Pozvao sam komšinicu na kafu, ali je ona to pogrešno
protumačila... Popila je kafu i otišla. ;-)

17. “B A B A M I LJ A"…. kako se čudno piše reč tišina..." (status
mladih roditelja koji su odveli bebu kod babe na čuvanje...)

18. NN: je posle 2 meseca apstinencije od gradskog prevoza bila
primorana da oseti sve cari prirodnih ljudskih resursa

19. Starije tetke su dolazile do mene na vencanjima, gledale ispod
oka i kokodakale,"Ti si sledeci". Prestale su kada sam poceo da im
radim istu stvar na sahranama

20. N. N. 'Спрема испит,нема нет, али му зато ја вршљам пo
профилу!!! (имам шифру а нисам му девојка'

21. Vidim Srbiju u kjojoj nema kriminala i korupcije. Vidim Srbiju u
kojoj svi ljudi normalno zive od svoje plate. Vidim Srbiju iz koje
mladi ne odlaze, a neki se cak i vracaju. Vidim Isusa, a sa Elvisom
sam danas razgovarao u samoposluzi

 

[S.T.A.R.A.C.]

Evo friskih iz Zone

A stalker is standing outside a fenced-off area which is highly irradiated, staring at the DANGER: RADIATION sign. Suddenly he sees another stalker stumble into the irradiated area and the suddenly collapse onto the ground.

The first stalker quickly grabs for his gun and medkit and is about to head off and save the guy when another stalker comes up from behind him and asks,
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Are you blind, can't you see that man is going to die in that irradiated dump if we don't get him out?"
"Ahh don't worry about it. He's drunk!"

One stalker asks another one
"Why you never go to Agroprom?"
"I'm afraid to crash"
"What are you talking about?'
"I just saying, that I better wait for patch v.1.0004...."

What do you call a man surrounded by 5 bandits?
Victim.
What do you call a man surrounded by 20 bandits?
Gang leader.
What do you call a man surrounded by 1,000,000 bandits?
Living in Moscow.

A Stalker was walking thru downtown Pripyat one day when he came upon an obscure souvenir shop...After browsing for a while he noticed a rack full of odd statues. "Hey Clerk! How much is this bloodsucker statue?" The clerk responds..."Sir, that is a very special statue....you can buy the statue for 200 rubles or you can buy the statue AND the story about it for 200000 rubles." "Well" the Stalker replies..., "You can keep your story, but I will take the statue 'cause it's kinda cute!"
So, the Clerk wraps up the staute and out the door the Stalker goes. After walking a short distance, the Stalker notices a bloodsucker following him. And then another, and another....until soon there is a LOT of bloodsuckers following him!!! "This is not good!" exclaims the Stalker....so he ran to a nearby anomolie and threw the statue in it.....and all the bloodsuckers ran past him and jumped into the anomolie and were destroyed! The Stalker immediately ran back to the souvenir shop......Upon seeing him coming the clerk cries out.. "I bet you are coming back for that story now!" "Not at all".... replies the Stalker......"But I WILL take that statue of Dean Sharpe you have back there!!"

 

[mINUS]

tuga ziva, al nisam hteo da otvaram nov topic zbog ovoga !
http://www.mtsmondo.com/news/vesti/text.php?vest=144837

evo usput i solidan vic

Stopira Piroćanac sa troje dece. Naidje neki biznismen sa golemim džipom i sažali se da gi poveze. Kada je Piroćanac počeo da priča, ovaj mu reče: "Slušaj, ja Vas Piroćance ne volim baš mnogo, ali sam te povezao zbog dece. Ako do Beograda ne kažeš ni jednu reč daću ti 100 evra, a ako progovoriš ti meni 50."

Piroćanac se složi.

Krene biznismen da vozi 200 na sat, da uleće u krivine, u makaze ... Ali Piroćanac ni da bekne.

Kada su konačno stigli u Beograd, pita ga biznismen: " Svaka čast evo ti tvojih 100 evra. Ali da mi kažeš kada ti je bilo najteže."

"Kada mi je ispalo ono najmladje." ! ! ! ! ! ! !

 

[Diabolique]

"Kada mi je ispalo ono najmladje." ! ! ! ! ! ! !

 

[drfedja]

Ovaj je bolji od svih viceva....

 

[Oki]

ZARILA KAAAAANDZE ZARILAA KAAANDZE : )))))

 

[mINUS]

meni je ovo boring mozda nekom bude ok...

br0kenrabbit says:
hi

Greg_ValveOLS says:
good evening

br0kenrabbit says:
What's ip?

br0kenrabbit says:
up?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
my name is greg a member of the valve online Support team

br0kenrabbit says:
On MSN?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
yes

br0kenrabbit says:
Why?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
we logged multiple ips from your account and ned to verifi your
information

br0kenrabbit says:
My information?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
we believe someone may have stolen your account mmmm you havent shared
youre account infomation with anyone have you?

br0kenrabbit says:
No. I don't even have it written down.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
hmmm maybe a keylogger on you r PC then maybe you need a format?

br0kenrabbit says:
Well...

Greg_ValveOLS says:
if you can verify your account information to me i can insure that
only your ip have access to it Its a new security feature were trying
because this happens so muchlogin names and passwords aint safe
anymroe You know. L

br0kenrabbit says:
Well

Greg_ValveOLS says:
dont worry this connect it secure

br0kenrabbit says:
Can I be honest with you, Greg?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

br0kenrabbit says:
Look, I don't know how you go this MSN account name, don't really
care, either.

br0kenrabbit says:
Unlike you, I DO work for Valve. Trace my ip and you'll see.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
huh?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
bs

br0kenrabbit says:
Trace it.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
how

br0kenrabbit says:
Start/run/cmd type Tracert and then my IP address and hit enter.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
oh k

br0kenrabbit says:
As an employee, I know that Valve employees will NEVER contact users
over MSN. I also know a valve employee will NEVER ask a user for his/
her username and password.

br0kenrabbit says:
I'm putting a temporary hold on your Steam account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why?

br0kenrabbit says:
Have you read the ToS?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
Tod?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
tos

br0kenrabbit says:
terms of service

Greg_ValveOLS says:
were?

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg, this is a serious infraction against the Tos. You are at risk of
losing your account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why

br0kenrabbit says:
I just told you why

Greg_ValveOLS says:


br0kenrabbit says:
I need some information from you if you want me to unlock you account.
I'm going to write you up but I will only suspend you account for
three days, since this is your first infraction, okay?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

br0kenrabbit says:
First, what is the name the account is registered to. Not the user
name, the persons real name who created the account. This is for
verification purposes.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxx xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Is this you?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Are you the only user of this account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay, and what is the username

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay.

br0kenrabbit says:
I see you have purchased a few of our games, thank you.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
some. dude

Greg_ValveOLS says:
m

br0kenrabbit says:
Do you always log on from the same IP?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
And who is your internet providers, your ISP?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Thank you. One moment, please, let me verify this information.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
am i gonna be bale to play 2nite?

br0kenrabbit says:
What is your city of residence?

br0kenrabbit says:
That depends on if you cooperate. You're doing fine so far.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Illinios?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
yes

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. And what is the password associated with this account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
xxxxxxx

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. Do not try to log into steam. If you are connected now you need
to log off.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
why

br0kenrabbit says:
So I can update your account.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
can I play 2 nite

Greg_ValveOLS says:
clan fight

Greg_ValveOLS says:
wont win without me heh

br0kenrabbit says:
Heh. You'll have to wait a few minutes. Are you logged off?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
ya

br0kenrabbit says:
Okay. Give me just a moment.

br0kenrabbit says:
Try to log in now.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
k

Greg_ValveOLS says:
It says login failed wtf wtf!!@?

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
did u ban me???????????>WHY

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what

br0kenrabbit says:
Valve will never ask for your username and password.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what????

br0kenrabbit says:
I don't work for Valve dude, but you just got pwnt.

Greg_ValveOLS says:
omg dude wtf why?

br0kenrabbit says:
Why were you trying to steal my account?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
i wanst

br0kenrabbit says:
Then why were you asking for my information?

Greg_ValveOLS says:
i was just making a joke but not cerious honest dude just give
my acount back pllllleeease i'm only 13 and save d up for like a year
to buy it

br0kenrabbit says:
Greg

Greg_ValveOLS says:
dude pleas

Greg_ValveOLS says:
what

br0kenrabbit says:
Go mow some yards, female dog

 

[voodoons]

 

[brankko]

Ovaj je bolji od svih viceva....

purasevic pink skandal

NE VERUJEM!!!

NEVEROVATNO!!!

Hahaha koji lik

 

[Shiki]

-Koja je razlika izmedju Zemunca i tramboline?
- Panduri izuvaju cipele kad skacu po trambolini.

------------------------------------------

Kako Zemunac igra Sekspira?
BITI IL NEBITI, PITANJE JE KOGA

-------------------------------------------

Sretnu se 2 zemunca
-brate, de si bio brate?
-evo brate, isao sam na parastos
-Grcka, zezanje a?

----------------------------------------

Ze-brate-mun,
Za-brate-kon,
Zo-brate-vrt!

-----------------------------------------------

kako zemunci pevaju Cecu?
...znam za jedan grad, pored je Beograd...

 

[voodoons]

Došao Mujo u bolnicu i razgovara sa medicinskom sestrom.

Prije nego što joj pokaza svoj problem kaže joj:
- "Medicinske sestre se ne smiju smijati pacijentima"
- "Naravno da se neću smijati, ja sam profesionalna medicinska sestra i u više od dvadeset godina se nikad nisam smijala pacijentu"
- "U redu onda", kaže Mujo i skine pantalone, otkrivajući najmanju stvarčicu koju je sestra ikada vidjela.

Dužinom i širinom, nije mu veći ni od male AAA baterije.
Sestra nije mogla izdržati pa se malo po malo počela podsmijavati, a onda gotovo i pala na pod od smijeha.
Nakon nekoliko minuta sestra došla sebi i izvine se Muji.
- "Izvinite, tako me je žao, ne znam što je došlo preko mene. Obećavam da se to neće ponoviti. Sada mi recite, što je problem?"
- "Nateko mi je", odgovorio Mujo.

 

[misticx]

Ortak je izvalio najbolju foru za Cak Norisa koju sam ikada cuo u zivotu
"Cak Noris je video k*rac na TV 1000"
Rasplako sam se od smeha

 

[micri]

Ortak je izvalio najbolju foru za Cak Norisa koju sam ikada cuo u zivotu
"Cak Noris je video k*rac na TV 1000"
Rasplako sam se od smeha

HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

 

[mINUS]

odlican vic

Zove ciga svoju omiljenu radio emisiju i traži da mu ispune muzičku želju:
Da mi pustiš, brate, " Ninu " od Džeja !
Pored sve dobre volje, mi ovde stvarno ne znamo koja je to pesma " Nina " - odgovara voditelj. Ako biste eventualno mogli malo da nam pomognete i da zapevate da znamo o čemu se radi...
Može, može! Odgovara ciga i kreće: "... Nina istok, Nina zapad..."

 

[mINUS]

odusevio sam se

Južnoafrička Republika: Golub brži od interneta
24SI - Frustrirani radnici jedne južnoafričke firme željeli su svima pokazati koliko je loša internet veza koju im osigurava njihov najveći internet provider i bez pola muke to im je pošlo za rukom.

Vodeći internet provider u Južnoafričkoj Republici Telkom našao se u nezgodnoj situaciji nakon što je dokazano je da je brže prenositi podatke golubom pismonošom nego koristi njihovu vezu.

Brzina interneta i konektivnost u najbogatijoj afričkoj državi su jako loši zbog male širine frekvencijskog pojasa.

Lokalna novinska agencija SAPA izvještava da je 11 mjeseci starom golubu Winstonu trebalo sat i osam minuta da pređe udaljenost od 80 km od Unlimited IT-ovog ureda u blizini Pietermaritzburga do obalnog grada Durbana i da prenese karticu sa podacima koja mu je bila pričvršćena za nogu.

Transfer podataka putem internet veze trajao je skoro duplo duže dva sata, šest minuta i 57 sekundi.

Unlimited IT odlučio se na ovaj eksperiment jer su njegovi zaposlenici postali frustrirani premalom brzinom prenosa podataka. Kompanija posjeduje 11 pozivnih centara širom zemlje i redovno šalje podatke u druge kancelarije.

Brzina prenosa podataka putem interneta trebala bi se povećati nakon što bude postavljen 17. 000 km dug podvodni optički kabel koji će povezivati južnu i istočnu Afriku i ojačati njihovu infrastrukturu povezivanjem sa drugim mrežama.

Izvor : 24sata

 

[mINUS]

Prvi školski dan u jednoj američkoj školi.
Učiteljica predstavlja novog učenika Hakira Suzukija iz Japana.

Počinje sat i učiteljica ispituje: "Sada ćemo vidjeti koliko poznajete
američku povijest... tko je rekao "Sloboda ili smrt"? Odjednom tišina. Samo
Suzuki digne ruku i kaže: "Patrick Henry, 1775. godine, Philadelphija"

"Vrlo dobro Suzuki. A tko je rekao "Država je narod! I kao takva ne smije
nikada umrijeti!"? Suzuki ustane: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863. Washington."

Nato nastavnica strogo pogleda razred pa reče: "Sramite se! Suzuki je
Japanac pa poznaje američku povijest bolje od vas!"

Tihi glas iz kraja razreda: "***ite se, posrani Japanci!"
"Tko je to rekao?!" Vikne nastavnica, na što Suzuki digne ruku i reče:
"General MacArthur, 1942. Guadalcanal i Lee Iacocca 1982. na skupštini
dioničara Chryslera u Detroitu"

Razred je u tišini - iz pozadine se čuje "Puši kurac!"
Učiteljica sva izvan sebe: "Sad je kraj! Tko je to rekao?!"
Suzuki: "Bill Clintom Monici Levinsky, Oval Office, 1997. godine,
Washington"

Drugi učenik se prodere: "Suzuki je ****o!"
Suzuki: "Valentino Rossi, Rio de Janeiro, moto Grand-Prix, Brazil 2002"

Razred pada u histeriju a nastavnica u nesvjest, na vrata upada ravnatelj
škole: "U pičku materinu, još nikad nisam vidio takav haos!!!"

Suzuki: " Mirko Cvetkovic, premijer Srbije, ministru financija prilikom
predstavljanja novog državnog budzeta , godine 2009, Beograd"

 

[Villy]

Ovaj je bolji od svih viceva....

purasevic pink skandal

Je li ovo stvarno?

 

[Diabolique]

Je li ovo stvarno?

Ne verujem.

 

[Misko78]

Nije, to su oni Crnogorci The Books of Knjige smislili i podvalili ovima iz Pinka.

 

[mINUS]

Vampiri/duhovi
http://www3.serbiancafe.com/lat/vesti/8/65557/vampir-terorise-selo-kod-leskovca.html

 

[Srđan]

Nije iskljuceno da su mozda u pitanju vanzemaljci!

 

[BEGINER]

Nije iskljuceno da su mozda u pitanju vanzemaljci!

Kuku de rece to,sad kad ovo vide STARAC i Igoritza,gotovi smo